Solstice to Solstice (6.13) :: COMFORT

Comfort

Do not confuse comfort with settled

Or make assumption that one is stagnant

As a redwood spreads its roots out

Connecting with the surrounding redwoods

There is a comfort found in stability

Not wealth shown in shiny symbols 

Or light reflecting off creating awe

But rather structure of relationships

Defined by common connection

Held together by time and commitment

When comfort is fully established 

It is the warm exhale after a long embrace

Comfort is acknowledging the desire for connection

Without the weaving of others into life

Humans are not functioning wholly

We need each other so that we can 

Find comfort even when the light 

Stops dancing through the forest and 

Darkness deafens the sound of life

Comfort is knowing we are all connected

And choosing to hold tightly to our necessity

We lie to ourselves and others when we act 

Like independence is separate of others

Find comfort in knowing you belong

The redwoods remain because they hold each other

There is comfort found in the arms of another

Solstice to Solstice (5.13) :: STILLNESS

The calm after the storm. The blue beyond the clouds. The sun reflecting through grey.

"Be still and know that I am God."

Marriage Is A Journey

"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it." John Steinbeck

there is something powerful about this place. it is magical in my opinion. at the age of twenty three, i said "i will." while looking into the joyful, tearful eyes, of my twenty year old bride, i made a promise. it is strange when i think about what i would have done had we never met. i experience a sort of sunken sadness when i try to imagine my journey being any different. there is still something wild, and untamable about marriage. you gain a greater understanding of another, and develop navigation systems when buffeted by the storms life brings, but you can never plan or control what is to come. we hunker down and batten the hatches together. neither of us can control what our lives might undergo, but we go through it together. not perfect, not without mistake, not without pain, not without getting our wires crossed, but always connected. marriage is not easy, but it is SO worth it when you find that one other human that says, "i will" too.

Rainbow

rainbow |ˈrānˌbō|nounan arch of colors formed in the sky in certain circumstances, caused by the refraction and dispersion of the sun's light by rain or other water droplets in the atmosphere.

   it is strange how a rainbow can completely transform an off the highway town into a wishful place. i always find myself holding my wishes close and choosing carefully (as if playing cards) which wish to lay down. today my wish came easy. it was waiting to be released. had i realized it sooner, i would not have waited for a rainbow to make it. we do not need mythical symbols to caste our wishes, we just need the awareness of what we hope for, and the belief that there is possibility in the puddles and colors that come from a storm. wishes are no different than prayers, and i believe God listens. wish away.

Was I always dad?

After a 4 day recruiting trip to the Pacific Northwest with my oldest daughter, I find myself sitting hours after returning home, wondering if she liked the trip. I asked prodding questions to gauge her experience, but all of her answers came up neutral. I hope I was always 'dad' for her. As the days flew by, packed with recruiting, multiple interviews each day, and past staff dinners in the evenings, our time together was often in the late hours. We stayed up until 2am watching Project Runway Allstars one night, and ate jalapeno, cheese, tortilla chips. I know it is the little things that impact children the most. Even though it was a busy recruiting trip, I hope she remembers when I wrapped my arms around her while we walked the snowy street at night, or that I lifted her over a puddle, just like 'Singing In The Rain'. My job as a director is busy during recruiting season. I feel like I am always changing channels in my brain, trying to be fully present to all the people I am around. It can be so mentally tiring. I just hope I was always dad, because being present to the ones who call me 'dad' matters most. I love that we had this opportunity to be together, it was an amazing, memorable, challenging, joyful, sweet, exhausting four days, that I will cherish. If when I am old I lose some of my memories, please God let me keep this one. I want to always remember her love for snow, and her free-spirited tromping through it wherever she could find it. I remember telling someone on this trip that I am dim in comparison to the glow of my wife and daughters. Even on a chilly night in Seattle, my oldest shined. In the days to come I hope her memories of this trip become more than 'neutral' and that even though I may have been busy, she will always remember being on a trip with her dad.

Solstice to Solstice (4:13) :: PEACE

there is something about a child choosing to lay confidently, eyes closed, arms open, on untouched snow, that says, pure peace in a way that words cannot adequately fully express. witnessing this from my oldest daughter on our walk back to our hotel from dinner in seattle, reminded me that my children show me peace in their very choice existence.

Solstice to Solstice (3.13) :: COLOR

I acquired this quilt twenty years ago. It was August, I was getting ready to head off to college. It was a foggy summer morning as I drove down Soquel Drive towards Aptos. As I past old homes up the hill from Soquel village, I noticed an elderly lady hanging this quilt out to dry. I was amazed at the sight. She was delicate, yet sturdy. Wearing her floral smock from the 30's, and hair nicely set, she worked gracefully tending to her laundry. The quilt was eye-catching. The colors splashed across the line as it draped over each strung wire. I pulled over and asked the woman if she made the quilt. She proudly, in a soft tone, said yes. I asked if she ever sold her quilts and she told me no. She explained she had made the quilt for her grandson, but he did not like it so she kept it for herself. I asked if she would sell it to me. She had no idea what to charge, and I had no idea what to offer, so I gave her $40 and we were both pleased. It is the best $40 I have ever spent. This quilt is a part of my history now, and someday it will be passed on to my daughters. I use it at home and when I camp in my 1979 VW Westfalia. Right when the word COLOR was put out there for Solstice to Solstice, I thought of this quilt. It is as warm as it is colorful.

coyote and deer

In the winter, when the bitter, shivering winds blow over the coastal mountains, the animals of the chaparral find there way off the rocky hills. The shrubs and prickly growth that offers some shade in summer, is not dense enough to warm the animals in winter. In the valley where we dwell, the redwoods create a chamber of warmth and fellowship for nature to survive. Around each bend a different animal can be seen. The scrawny, mangy, delirious coyote can be seen walking slowly across path. Only the sudden awareness of our presence sends him darting over hill, and behind trees. The delicate, full figured doe, and her adolescent sons, gracefully trod across lush, winter meadows. Protected by the maze of trees and ferns, the deer have quick escape from tired predators. They exhale in winter, and hold out for the romping of spring. Short, knobby antlers reveal the youth of bucks, trying their new found crowns, they collide dizzily in play. The days pass uneventfully peaceful. Coyotes wander, in search for easy food, or a slab of sunshine to bask in before shadows fall. Deer live free, treading lightly, settling under fallen trees, and hallow stumps, sheltered from harm, warmed by the embrace of the forest. Together we live in winter. We learn to rest, value, prepare, and be present in the day.

Solstice to Solstice (2.13) :: BARE

BARE

moonlit swim

my big toe

the first to dip

into the chilly pond

rain runoff flowing

currents of cold beneath

rush of blood

tightened passages constrict

heart beats faster and i gasp

exhilarating sensation

slowly sliding into the water deep

chills numbing every part

knees, thighs, waist, a gasp

abdomen, chest, shoulders, deep breath

head under, head out of water, awe

my bare body completely refreshed

submerged, naked, new.