there is a painting that hangs in our house of two boxers fighting. surrounding the fighters there are symbols of simple pleasures. cup cakes, flowers, birds, a cat. everything is in bright pink, green, and blue hues, except for the boxers they are painted in red. this painting is a sweet reminder that in everything my wife and i walk through we will always fight for our love and never allow our marriage to be knocked out.
this year we have been faced with divorce different then ever before. since the late 90's we have sat with broken, scared, confused, sad campers who have been the victims of broken marriages. it is never easy to sit with children so sad by other peoples choices. suddenly they are no longer just figuring out friends, homework, family, and God, now they face the uncertainties of where they have to stay, and who gets them on the weekend. anxiousness of a child is often seen in tears.
since march, one of my wife's brothers and one of my brothers have gotten divorced. with nephews and nieces on both sides, we have cried a lot of tears knowing what divorce does to even the most "well adjusted" child. i honestly do not know what well adjusted means when a family is bulldozed by divorce. is it when a child is numb, glossy-eyed, tripping, trying to play, but standing? i don't think so. is it when a child stops trying to fight having to split their time between parents and no longer shows fear, anxiousness, or anger moments before leaving one house to head to another? i don't think so. children are not intended to be well adjusted to divorce. divorce is not what children are suppose to go through.
in the early months of finding out of the shatterings (lets be honest separation is way too soft of a term) happening in our extended families marriages, my wife and i spoke with as much boldness and hope as possible to our brothers. do to the nature of our brothers we were really nervous to speak honest words. their emotional wiring made us concerned that they would take our words into the negative rather than hearing the fight for love, healing, and wholeness. now that the divorces are finished and my wife's brother is remarried we still sit with with broken, scared, confused, sad campers, and some of them are family. we do not know what to say anymore to our brothers in regards to their adult choices, so we wait. we spoke and had the weight of our care thrown back on us, so we wait.
all of our extended family has handled it differently. a scrambling of WWJD and we have found that divorce even scrambles the families who are not breaking apart. the choice to NEVER be knocked out holds my wife and i closely in love. i do not know when, where, or what words will be spoken, or how healing happens, but i do know we rest in the arms of our creator. the same one who holds the brokenhearted and invites the children to come to him. i know the wind of the spirit will gentle blow when it is time. NEVER Knocked out.
So much heartbreak in children of divorce, and now I get to see the end results in my ministry at the local juvenile detention center. A great post that left me very moved.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your writing!
Thank you for your love, your care, your concern, your prayers, and your nurturing of our hurting children. You give them opportunity to play, to talk, to express, to cry. I love that they have you.
ReplyDeletethis is important. important to digest and fight and swing for the rafters and touch gently.
ReplyDelete