lighthouse tower

i have learned a lot in my life from the many people who have been written into my story. the significance of my father was unknown to me until my adult years. i am a reflection of him in so many ways. he is steady in his faith and relies on god through all seasons. he does not change for status or reputation. he is consistently present, steadfast, and loyal. he seeks to serve and help the downtrodden. when i was young i was unsure how to know him. it seemed i was wired like my mother, and they are complete opposites. as the years have passed and i have found myself, there i see my father. he is a good person. he is a true friend. i see him as a lighthouse tower. sometimes when i am overwhelmed on the road, or swamped with work expectations and deadlines, i call my dad. he can tell that my silence on the line equals tears, and he waits. moments later he asks, "is everything going okay?" it is not his advise i seek as much as it is his voice. his calm, steady voice is like a beacon of light.  i know that whatever i am facing i can find safe harbor. in another life i imagine myself a sailor. just as the forest entangles around me, i can imagine the waters engulfing me and my soul finding home at sea. even though some may think my dad and i should be on a ship together, i would argue, i need him to remain on shore, calm and steady as my lighthouse tower. i find so much of him in me, we are never too far a part.

"shooting for a boy?"

it was always a strange question
maybe because i know the world i live in
a dad of three daughters
lends way to magic

there is a whimsical world
where imagination abounds
not a location to be found
but people who let everyone
play


they always welcome me
i am sometimes a king
i am sometimes a prince
i am sometimes a friend
and other times a foe

they enter the world unaware
it is almost never absent
they do not need me to be in it
sometimes i catch them there alone
and let them be whoever they are

it is the world they love
it is the world i wish we always lived
it is always a strange question
in my daughter's world it does not matter

that is the world i live in
when the question is asked
i smile and sometimes say
"wow, i do not know what that means"
and i skip away

7:30am

the sun has not moved it's way
over the ridge and down into the valley
morning chill lingers an hour longer
as i walk down the drive to work
the old oaks and ancient redwoods
entangle themselves above my head
as if they are greeting one another,
saying cheerfully "good morning."
the constant rush of the creek
sounds it's rhythmic flow to my right
suddenly i stop in my stride
warm liquid splashes from my mug
dang it, traffic!
fortunately, the newt was not hit
squawking jay announces, "move on!"
the day is fully awake
and i have not even turned right
at the redwood heading into my office
it's only 7:30am.

bending

it is rare that i see it
i run that way often
today i needed to see it

i wanted to know i was near
my runs have been harder
i wish i did not feel my knee
aching from injury
slow recovery

i ran today
it was not a long run
as i came around the turn
there it was

my stride widened
my speed increased
my body toughened

bending
twisting
waiting
announcing
you are near

home

nehemiah new

it took a lot of people to rebuild

it was not easy

some thought it would never happen

the odds were against them

but

God was with them

nehemiah was obedient

piece by piece

the walls were built

different parts

different people

some built

others protected

nehemiah prayed

so much can happen

it can seem like forever

knees callused 

dreams judged

"wishful thinking"

but

God is with me

i do not always understand why

there is no reason for him to use me

i am just a guy

i am  idealistic

i am a daydreamer 

i am a crier

my chin quivers sometimes

i would rather sit in the presence
 of a hundred children

listening to their stories

then dine with the president

nehemiah obeyed God

it took time but change happened

i have learned a lot from him

it has taken time but change is happening

the place i love with passion

is being rebuilt

it takes a lot of people

and prayer

favorite places

when i was a camper i caught a fish in this pond. every year i anticipate the pleasure it brings me. there is a lot of laughter and memories surrounding my time spent at the pond. i was even dared to swim to the back dock in a red speedo. you may be asking yourself, "did he do it?" let's just say, i am really daring, and leave it at that. one of my favorite places on earth is tucked back in the farther end of the pond. in spring a mallard couple tends to their eggs and ducklings. deer stop to take an afternoon sip. the bugs go crazy back there. the mosquitos are unrelenting in mid-july. in the vibrance of murky green, lush redwood canopies, and nature fully in motion, i find total peace and serenity. it is the perfect place to sit in rich conversation with a kindred, or meditate alone with God. it is a favorite place and always will be. 

my 3 beautifuls

ocean
photo by: sara janessen

ellibella         

phoenix