SD Family to Kona Adventure.

Hello Friends and Family,

We have just finished up our 9th summer serving as directors here at Camp Hammer. Ocean is turning 15 in less than a month and is growing into an amazingly beautiful, creative, loving, confident woman. Elli is 13 and always revealing her gifts, and heart of compassion to us and the world around her. Phoenix will be 9 in October, and she was a camper for the first time this summer. She is a blessing and friend to everyone she meets. Sarah and I continue to grow and strive to be who God has created us to be. We celebrated 17 years of marriage in July, and we continue to love each other more and more. 

This fall we have an opportunity to serve in Kailua-Kona for seven weeks and we want you to be apart  of our SD Family to Kona Adventure. 

More and more Sarah and I desire to see Camp Hammer become a missional ministry throughout the year.  Camp has been used by God to disciple and grow young adults during their summers serving for many years. As you know, so many staff have gone on to serve in full time ministry, or living intentional lives to spread the gospel. The impact is immeasurable.

Last November, my family and I were invited to serve for a week at Youth With A Missions, University of the Nations in Kona Hawaii. My whole family was unable to go, but I had the privilege of speaking on relationships to their Community Transformations, Discipleship Training School. It was a rich experience serving and helping equip over a hundred young adults for their outreach to the various countries they shared the gospel with. The experience was enriching and grew me in my faith as a believer and leader in ministry.

My time there introduced a new possibility for Camp Hammer in the winter months. YWAM would like to partner with us and have a Community Transformation DTS here at Camp Hammer. It would run from October-December, beginning fall 2014. This would be a huge blessing for camp financially, and it would also continue to fulfill the mission of Camp Hammer throughout the year.

My family and I have been invited back to YWAM in Kona to serve as a speaker, but also to invest in the young adults as the process and prepare during the remainder of their lecture phase before leaving on outreach. We have been given the opportunity to serve the Community Transformation DTS from November 7-December 26. During this time Sarah and I will serve as encouragement and be available to the students, and outreach leaders as they process all that they are learning. We will begin our time with me speaking to the school on relationships, which naturally lends for us to continue developing relationships and spiritually directing and encouraging their leaders and students. The girls are excited to relieve some of the missionary families, by offering free child care so that parents can have time to connect and process as a couple. We want to bless and serve however we can!

During our time there we would also be helping develop and implement healthy involvement with the community of locals in Kailua-Kona. There is a large population of homeless youth, meth addicts, and fearful natives of the island gods. Our family will be working to develop ways to consistently care for the local population. This component of the trip gets all of us excited. We have worked with the homeless in Santa Cruz during the Christmas season for a few years. We know that it can be challenging to share the gospel with homeless people due to mental illness, but that is where we have seen the fruit of living it out in action.

The last piece to our mission trip would be educational for Camp Hammer. I would have the opportunity to learn more about YWAM, and really figure out with the main people of their organization if it would be a good partnership for camp. During our time in Kona, I will work with the directors of the Community Transformation DTS, and meet with directors from other bases throughout the globe to gain a better understanding, so that I would be well equipped to move forward.

The most important area we desire support is through committed prayer. We want people to pray for us daily. Without prayer we ail not be able to do what God is leading us to do for his glory. You can also help by supporting our missions trip financially. We have to raise $6,000 for airfare and our costs while on the island. This is no small chunk of change, but we believe in a big God, and we know he will provide! If you feel led to support us financially, we would be so blessed. Our first step is to get airline tickets. A round trip ticket to Kona is about $600. At this point we have raised $3,000 for our family of five to travel. The other $3,000 is for our housing, food,  transportation and hospitality expenses used to bless the missionaries and to serve the homeless while in Kona. We look forward to having you be apart of the SD Family to Kona Adventure. Our trip is a short term missions trip under Twin Lakes Church. All financial gifts are tax-deductible.

Make checks payable to:

Twin Lakes Church, and make sure to write "Camp Hammer Missions" in the memo. (this method is tax-deductible).

Mail checks to:

SD Family to Kona Adventure

21475 Big Basin Way

Boulder Creek, CA 95006

Peace and always love.

The SD Family
#roamingredwoods

S E A S O N S: being a father.

"Nothing I've ever done has given me more joy and rewards than being a father to my children." -Bill Cosby

As the season has changed from summer to autumn, so has my attention. I look at my children as they grow and become who they were intended to be, and I sigh. They never cease to capture my heart. The chill falls earlier as the sun drops below the redwood tree line. Warmth and laughter billow from the life-energy of my children at home. I welcome the autumn and embrace the time given.

Looking For Mike In The Little

There is a place that I know 

                                            Where I need more often to go 

A place of amazing comfort and rest 

Where a smile is never rare 

And Your love is as free as the air 

And I lack for nothing 

When I can see the love in Your eyes 

And know that it's all for me 

I fear nothing at all 

When I'm safe in the arms of my Father 

And if I ever fall I take comfort in knowing 

That You are there

I find myself caught in wonder and sometimes absent of being present to the moment. There are a lot of things that make me think about Mike. The other evening I drove up Highway 9 to a burger joint with family and friends. Mike lived just a mile past. I drove that road weekly in after summer seasons. Winding my way home, listening to Patty Griffin, after hours spent fully accepted by my dear friend. I found no judgments, no cynical talk, no expectations, no arrogance, no doubt, just acceptance and love. I knew when I was with Mike that I was seen truer and more real. When I am in conversations and people are talking about the way something should be and dialoguing about the "what ifs," I pause in thought, and wish I was with Mike. Those kind of yoyo conversations of up and down did not exist. We existed. The presence of friendship for a brief spell was more powerful than any weightless rambling about the who knows and who cares. I acknowledge that I am tired, grieving, and feel the weight of friendlessness as I enter the after summer seasons. Mike was a sailor. I was a cowboy. In another lifetime we would have met in port, and he would have rode out to pasture, and I would have sailed into the horizon. But we had this lifetime, so we sat side by side and shared stories of the wild hills of Africa, and the brilliant sunsets from the Pacific. I look forward to a place "where a smile is never rare." Not today, but someday. Today I am just looking for Mike in the little bits of life.

W A T E R fall

“What does it feel like to be alive? Living, you stand under a waterfall. 
You leave the sleeping shore deliberately; you shed your dusty clothes,
pick your barefoot way over the high, slippery rocks, hold your breath, 
choose your footing, and step into the waterfall. 
The hard water pelts your skull, bangs in bits on your shoulders and arms. 
The strong water dashes down beside you and you feel it a

long your 

calves and thighs rising roughly backup, up to the roiling surface, 

full of bubbles that slide up your skin or break on you at full speed. 

Can you breathe here? Here where the force is the greatest and only 

the strength of your neck holds the river out of your face. 

Yes, you can breathe even here. You could learn to live like this.

And you can, if you concentrate, even look out at the peaceful 

far bank where you try to raise your arms."-Annie Dillard

the presence of still water.

there is nothing i can say or do to predict or prepare what is to come. the stirring in my gut, and the spinning in my head will not stop with answers or rest. i must let myself go. i must choose to lay arms stretched across tender, leaf laden ground. if i inhale, i must exhale. i am alive today to live fully alive. tomorrow there might be pain. yesterdays remind me that it exists, but today the water is still. i am a man. there were no heroes in my pain. i was not anything special in the midst of hardship and tragedy. i was me. i am me. even though my wife has to remind me of who i am, and that one day did not make me this way, i am me. changed, but the same me. i am free.




“When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.” -Wendell Berry

H O M E :: the-unforseen-wilderness

"And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles, no matter how long, but only by a spiritual journey, a journey of one inch, very arduous and humbling and joyful, by which we arrive at the ground at our own feet, and learn to be at home." -Wendell Berry


I have found the longer I spend being in one place, moving forward and around, discovering the sensational nature I am apart of, I do not wrestle with wonder of where my life is going, but simply smile at where my life is.


The redwood forest is often a place of rescue. People come here holding onto their last thread of hope in something bigger, or better than their circumstances. They seek a shout, a verse, a mere whisper through the trees, telling them they belong to something more. The disillusionment of power players, leaders, and religious pillars have left their hope in God dangling by one last tendon, but their limb is not severed and there is hope. The recovery time begins in the first inhale of pure air from nature. A wonder settles into a sigh of rest. For some the redwood forest transforms them in an instant. For others it takes days, weeks, months, and sometimes years.


I know what it is to be rescued amongst these magnificent trees. The humus holds me as I rest in the knowing of God and the potential of his love known by all. Everyone is not a caretaker. It is a humble position and often forgotten. As I tend to this place where healing happens, I hope the healing is remembered and the maker of the redwoods is taken away in the souls of those who come and go. As the season approaches when many will come and experience this place, I walk gently, whispering the names I know, asking for the forest to be a God reveal, and healer. The bees are buzzing early this year. Poppies blast orange of the sun against the sandstone hillsides. New redwood greens dance in the spring breeze. Deer nuzzle their noses against fields of clover, enjoying their sweet nectar. It is a season of new. Nature is always ready to receive those who come. It was created by God to be his gift to all who come away. This is my home. All are welcome here for a stay.

R E N E W E D :: Time to Dance

"By reading scripture I am so renewed that all nature seems renewed around me and with me. The sky seems to be a pure, cooler blue, the trees a deeper green. The whole world is charged with the glory of God and I feel fire and music under my feet." Thomas Merton

B E L O N G :: Dancing With Wildflowers

I choose to not dream of "what ifs" but of actual possibilities.

Living with the knowledge and understanding that my life is twined together with others, helps me dream real and completely conscious. As friends develop and change, I desire them to grow. I hope and pray they are brave enough to belong first to their creator. That is where lasting growth and healthy belonging begins. 

When we distort the creators character, we change our perception of pure love. We become similar to a bee trapped under a cup turned upside down. Our attempts to be free are fleeting and abruptly halted, slamming against the ceiling. Only when we choose to exist in the pure love offered at the beginning, will we become a bee, dancing with wildflowers. I dream of being fully free, belonging because I am living how the creator intended me to live.

I believe a lot of people live their whole life under a cup turned upside down. Their desire to belong has become skewed, and distorted. They are looking slightly bent at their surroundings, making their horizontal focus more important than their vertical understanding. The longer they find belonging within their surrounding social meter without a truer, and clearer connection to the creators pure love, they come to settle for a secondary belonging. Their dreams become "what ifs" rather than actual possibilities.

When we belong first and wholly to our creator, the expanse of belonging is uncontainable. Belong to your creator because you were designed to be his. Belonging is not an action or pursuit, it is an acceptance of pure love, intended for you since the beginning.

Dance with the wildflowers in the breeze. Belong.

New Day.

"With the new day comes 

new strength and new thoughts."

Eleanor Roosevelt

L I V E :: always in the moment.

"Just as the wave cannot exist for itself, 

but is ever a part of the heaving 

surface of the ocean, 

so must I never live my life for itself, 

but always in the experience 

which is going on around me." 

-Albert Schweitzer

G O O D friday :: Remember the Lions Roar

This is one of my favorite scenes from CS Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia. It is good to remember that on this day there was weeping and silence, but it is even more important to remember the roar.

The rising of the sun had made everything look so different - all colours and shadows were changed that for a moment they didn't see the important thing. Then they did. The Stone Table was broken into two pieces by a great crack that ran down it from end to end; and there was no Aslan...

"Who's done it?" cried Susan. "What does it mean? Is it magic?"

"Yes!" said a great voice behind their backs. "It is more magic." They looked round. There, shining in the sunrise, larger than they had seen him before, shaking his mane (for it had apparently grown again) stood Aslan himself.

"Oh, Aslan!" cried both the children, staring up at him, almost as much frightened as they were glad.

"Aren't you dead then, dear Aslan?" said Lucy.

"Not now," said Aslan...

"But what does it all mean?" asked Susan when they were somewhat calmer.

"It means," said Aslan, "that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know: Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitors stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backwards..."

"And now," said Aslan presently, "to business. I feel I am going to roar. You had better put your fingers in your ears."

And they did. And Aslan stood up and when he opened his mouth to roar his face became so terrible that they did not dare to look at it. And they saw all the trees in front of him bend before the blast of his roaring as grass bends in a meadow before the wind.

N O R M A L :: what my eyes see.

i see the world through my normal lens. 

the light from the wall of windows glows

through plastic empty grinders.

the new green of spring bounces from limbs.

pale pink bandana hold hair back 

while bangs bounce to the beat.

thrift shirt tees never go out

especially if they are kelly on a kind human.

well cut wood table leaves lines to wonder.

hanging lights add delicate in contrast

to the rugged wood roof accents.

shadows dance against trunks

light bows and joins the wind.

i take in the normal world i see and breathe.

hear the music :: L I S T E N

the sun did not shine through the branches with beams of light. it filled the backdrop with a glow of shimmering gold, like the dust left settling in the sifter of some lucky miner.

the green nettles, leaves, and ferns did not pop from the contrasting red trunks of the towering redwoods. they spread a softer hue of dampened growth, like the sea kelp of an ocean basin after a sun full day.

the sound of the forest did not hum with life rhythms from all the energy of nature colliding. it played a softer tone, deaf to the human ear, but music to the listener.

i heard a song while i walked along.

man is the stone

water glides seamlessly over the rock bottom creek. 

stones standing still create ripples from the passing flow.

light dances off sky reflections as liquid rolls pass.

man watches as energy envelops stillness

motionlessly standing.

questioning what can be taken from the images casted. 

numbness presents chills to limbs

sensation unnoticed.

questions without answers

wonder remains

man is the stone.

Wishing for Waterfalls and Wondering :: Am I Alive?

“What does it feel like to be alive? 
Living, you stand under a waterfall. You leave the sleeping shore deliberately; you shed your dusty clothes, pick your barefoot way over the high, slippery rocks, hold your breath, choose your footing, and step into the waterfall. The hard water pelts your skull, bangs in bits on your shoulders and arms. The strong water dashes down beside you and you feel it along your calves and thighs rising roughly backup, up to the roiling surface, full of bubbles that slide up your skin or break on you at full speed. Can you breathe here? Here where the force is the greatest and only the strength of your neck holds the river out of your face. Yes, you can breathe even here. You could learn to live like this. And you can, if you concentrate, even look out at the peaceful far bank where you try to raise your arms. What a racket in your ears, what a scattershot pummeling! It is time pounding at you, time. Knowing you are alive is watching on every side your generation's short time falling away as fast as rivers drop through air, and feeling it hit.” -Annie Dillard

Never meant to be O R D I N A R Y .

"NO child on earth was ever meant to be ordinary, and you can see it in them, and they know it, too, but then times get to them, and they wear out their brains learning what folks expect, and spend their strength trying to rise over those same folks." Annie Dillard

I see so clearly in my girls that they are not meant to be ordinary. They are extraordinary humans! I know so many adults who seem yearning and bewildered by the wonder of who they are. I wish I could have known them as children and invited them to lay beneath the redwoods, and climb within the trunks. I imagine if my children were children when I was a child we would have been close friends. There is something sweet about being free to play in nature without expectation of results or achievements. I wish every child could come and play, and know that they are extraordinary. The redwoods have a way of reminding us that we are all special. You see, I have never been ordinary, and so I see the extraordinary even when others don't see it in themselves. I hope you know you were never meant to be ordinary, so be who you were meant to be. Be EXTRAORDINARILY you!

She Played The Guitar :: I Sang A Solo

photo taken by: orion pahl, 18,march,2012

My eyes are dry
My faith is old
My heart is hard
My prayers are cold
And I know how I ought to be
Alive to You and dead to me

But what can be done
For an old heart like mine
Soften it up
With oil and wine
The oil is You, Your Spirit of love
Please wash me anew
With the wine of Your Blood

My eyes are dry
My faith is old
My heart is hard
My prayers are cold
And I know how I ought to be
Alive to You and dead to me

But what can be done
For an old heart like mine
Soften it up
With oil and wine
The oil is You, Your Spirit of love
Please wash me anew
With the wine of Your Blood
My Eyes Are Dry, Keith Green


Tracy was from Quebec, Canada. She would sit in the back of the bus as we made our way down the potholed dirt road to Butterworth. It was the closest town to where we stayed in the Transkei. I was sixteen years old, spending my summer on a missions trip in South Africa. As we bumped along the road, I sang along with Tracy as she played my favorite Keith Green song, My Eyes Are Dry. Abigail Ousteissen, one of our team leaders heard us singing and told us that we would perform the song in church that day. We laughed out loud, and she said, "No, I am serious!" The church service lasted for over six hours. The song only lasted a couple of minutes. We all ate together, laughed, cried, shared stories, and built memories I will never forget. It is still my favorite Keith Green song. She played the guitar, and I sang a solo. The lyrics mean so much more to me twenty two years later.

When Walking With Grief

art by: Eric Swanson-Dexel

Do not hurry as you walk with grief;
it does not help the journey.
Walk slowly, pausing often.
Do not worry as you walk with grief.
Be not disturbed by memories that come unbidden.
Swiftly forgive, and let Christ speak for you unspoken words.
Unfinished conversations will be resolved in him.
Be not disturbed.
Be gentle with the one who walks with grief.
If it is you, be gentle with yourself.
Swiftly forgive; walk slowly, pausing often.
Take time; be gentle as you walk with grief.


When Walking With Grief
Common Prayer; A Liturgy For OrdinaryRadicals

Sometimes We Just Need Scripture :: Psalms 27

Psalm 27

The LORD is my light and my salvation—
   whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
   of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked advance against me
   to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
   who will stumble and fall. 

Though an army besiege me,
   my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
   even then I will be confident.

One thing I ask from the LORD,
   this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
   all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
   and to seek him in his temple. 

For in the day of trouble
   he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
   and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted
   above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
   I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
   be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
   Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me,
   do not turn your servant away in anger;
   you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
   God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me,
   the LORD will receive me. Teach me your way, LORD;
   lead me in a straight path
   because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
   for false witnesses rise up against me,
   spouting malicious accusations.

I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.

A Dream :: horseback and hot air ballon

i do not always speak my dreams out loud or write them for others to read, but these past few weeks have been filled with grief, trials, and long hours of work.

when i was seven years old my grandma stowell died. i remember my aunt lou had a horse sometime around then. when my family would be on road trips, i would stare out the window and imagine my grandma riding on a horse  off in the distance, with her silver hair flowing behind her. even when i flew at age sixteen to africa, i remember imagining i could see my grandma riding a horse off in the distance, galloping over a blanket of clouds. i love horseback riding. i love the power of a horse trotting up jagged hills, taking me effortlessly to new heights. there is a rush of freedom found galloping across an open range, charging forward with momentum. i want to ride horses in new mexico. my mom use to always tear up when we would be driving to farmington, new mexico to visit family. as she saw the red dirt out the window, she would always tell us it was grandma stowell's favorite dirt. i want to ride horses across the red dirt in new mexico.

in sixth grade we drew report topics out of a hat from ideas we had brainstormed as a class to write reports about. i had suggested hot air balloons as a report topic. as classmates took topics from the hat before me, i finger-crossed hoped no one picked hot air balloons. as my turn approached, i reached in the hat and i pulled out abe lincoln. jennifer had suggested abe lincoln to be funny, and clearly the joke was on me. i had seen a hot air balloon one time as a child when we were driving out to new mexico. it was big and bright and it seemed to command the sky. even the beams of sun seemed to dance around it. i want to fly high above the desert dirt of new mexico.

my dream is to slip away for a weekend with my family and some friends to a ranch house in new mexico. we can ride horses for a full day, hot tub and stare into the desert sky at night, have a picnic brunch after taking a morning hot air ballon ride, and shop it up at some of the roadside native american trading posts.

i do not always speak my dreams out loud or write them for others to read, but these past few weeks have been filled with grief, trials, and long hours of work. i turn forty in a couple of years, so who knows, maybe these dream can come true.